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Last leaf fallen, bare earth where green was born 

No, no – the last leaf has yet to fall… These are simply evocative lyrics from one of my all-time fave albums, the Grateful Dead’s ANTHEM OF THE SUN. The song features the lyrics of enigmatic collaborator Bobby Petersen, who I’ve hardly heard boo about despite a 2 decade long interest in all things Gratefully Departed.

This installment – a LEAF if you will in the cyber-tome that is MY MySpace – is only the briefest of indications that this LEAF on ASHERA’S TREE – tho’ it may occur at any moment – is not fallen, nor will SHe stop lifting and turning Sunwards so long as breath moves across this Earth, the Body of my Beloved.

Behind me ABRAXAS!


mental illness is a serious risk in the genius biz, true…
"a comment from Sri Aurobindo, who points out that “the occupational disease of the yogi is insanity,” and that the purpose of yoga is not to feel better and be more flexible, or last longer, or even live longer. Physical yoga is to help one fine tune the body is so that the energy that you are really interested in does not burn you up. In this way of thinking, the physical health part is almost a kind of a secondary interest."http://www.enlightenment.com/blogs/j/jordan/jordan3/archives/2005/01/transcript_from_1.html
That’s what makes having a "School" (so important. I’m not just making this up, nor am I putting you on (in any sense). Undoubtedly you’ve all (?!) been "attending class" for more than your brief (current) human chronological life span…re-membering through formal connection and practise can be truly momentous at those times in ones evolutionary process, tho.
Just one example of the upcoming generation’s psychick precociousness, in my on-going investigation of this trendy newage phenomenon precociousness, from earlier this week – your giving the "indigo or orange" set of options when referencing my 2nd chakra diagnosis of your constitutional chakra block (or "short-circuit") demonstrates that amply enough -you know your stuff!
my first oto (Western Trad.) Initiation activated the chakras corresponding to the colours Indigo (third eye) and orange (navel)* – that’s in the Shaivite system of colour correspondences (I highly recommend the charts which are free and downloadable –
as for being queer, the bible ‘n’ all that, i’ve got lots to say, but for now i’ll just leave you with this…enjoy! 😉
folklore, mythology, cultural studies and related disciplines

"For all the attention on gay and lesbian in the media and the arts – all of which can be broadly construed as modern-day myth-making – whole areas of ‘gender ambiguity’ (such as those linked with the wide spectrum of congenital hermaphroditic conditions that occur in one to five percent of births) are still entirely ‘liminal’ to the modern day ‘cosmology’ of sexuality.

"Although deeply interwoven with modern Western thinking, Christian notions of sin and Freud’s models of human mental processes are both entirely mythical notions. Both are substantial obstacles to understanding sexuality implicit or explicit in non-western myths. Alan Watts was closer to the mark when he noted that:

    "’… mythology is not sexual, but sexuality is mythological, since the union of the sexes prefigures the transcending of duality, of the schism whereby man’s experience is divided into subject and object, self and other. ‘
    Watts 1954: 180fn)
"As an example of what has often been missed, Jonathan Z. Smith’s discussion of Israel and Jerusalem as the centre of the Judaic cosmos observes:
    "’More mysteriously, the land [of Israel] is the center of fertility, because heavenly beings engage in sexual intercourse in it, an intercourse at the heart things which establishes and guarantees the fertility of the world. It may be expressed in some traditions by the belief that on top of the Ark in the Holy of Holies, the cherubim have been engaged in an act of unending intercourse since the beginning of time and if they should ever cease, the cosmos would collapse into chaos, or by the tradition … of YHWH having nightly intercourse with his bride on the ‘couch’ of the site of the Temple in Jerusalem.
    Smith 1978: 115) ‘"


"All that is good is nasty, and ain’t nothin’ good unless you

play with it."

                                 – George Clinton

                                   "Mothership Connection"    

.by magical power you were enslaved and by magical power you shall free yourself

O my love,
Who owns you…? Who are you? Is "property theft"? Is language "a virus"? Are words "drugs – they change your brain"? Are various so-called "human beings" on this planet separated by at least 3000 years of evolution, in terms of their relative development?
 A puzzle is not solved, impatient sirs,
By peeping at its answer in a trice —
When Gordius, the plow-boy king of Phrygia,
Tied up his implements of husbandry
In the far-famed knot, rash Alexander
Did not undo by cutting it in twain.
Vishnu cautioned Lakshmi, "It is no use trying to adapt creation to the limited capabilities of the human mind. On the contrary, try to open up your consciousness and rise to the superhuman level.
Yes your primary process brain (which I assure you does NOT exist, no matter how many times I reiterate to you as if it does…there is STILL no such reality as "SOMETHING"!) will very shortly (if it hasn’t already) undertake its masterful hypnotic spell convincing you that the words contained herein (wherein? What words? Nimble and quick – somewhat similar to walking sticks – as they used to carve the old Ogham script onto – so long ago) are meaningless gibberish or at least indeciperable by you because – well, as soon as you shake hands with "becuase," it hardly matters what comes next! It’s all over now, Indigo Kid!
"What you see, just like many other things, does not have a slightest meaning. No wonder they say that Shiva invented this world when he was drunk. Because he is always in the ecstasy of narcotic intoxication caused by having sex with his beloved Shakti, his fathomless, boundless, light-carrying power, Shiva’s cons-ciousness is not determined by the karmic law of cause and consequence, or by logic, space and time.
How can you tell whether a certain advisor or book is truly accurate? What if the teacher or book is just as confused as you, while cleverly concealing it? What will you do?

There is a way…Suppose you are an expert atthe gem business. You know all about the cutting and polishing of diamonds, rubies, emeralds. One day you meet a man who also claims to be a gem expert. That man needs to talk for only a few minutes before you know the truth about him. How do you know? Because you are an expert. His words either match or fail to match what you internally know to be true.

But suppose you knew nothing about gems? There would be no way to judge the man’s honesty. If he is a charlatan, he might persuade you with clever words and a confident manner, but in that case you have consented to the deception, for nothing within you backs up his claim.

Where does this leave the sincere seeker? With no problem at all. He must resolutely accept nothing from another that he, in his essential nature, does not accept as true. He must not accept another man’s truth; it must be his very own. He already has at least a grain of truth within himself which can be nourished with honest intentions. So little by little he will be able to separate the fakers from the true teachers.

This meantal clearness is reached by placing desire for Truth before the desire to lean upon another.

–Vernon Howard

00. One is the Magus: twain His forces; four His weapons. These are the seven Spirits of Unrighteousness; seven vultures of evil. This is the art and craft of the Magus but glamour. How shall He destroy Himself?

0. Yet the Magus hath power upon the Mother both directly and through love. And the Magus is Love, and bindeth together That and This in His Conjuration.

1. In the beginning doth the Magus speak Truth, and send forth Illusion and Falsehood to enslave the soul. Yet therein is the Mystery of Redemption.

2. By his Wisdom made He the Worlds: the World that is God is none other than He.

3. Now then shall He end His Speech with Silence? For He is Speech.

4. He is the First and the Last. How shall He cease to number Himself?

‘"That is why creation is so quaint and paradoxical, which reflects the image of Creator himself. Here darkness becomes light, and light turns into darkness, good becomes evil and evil becomes good. Purity turns into impurity, and impurity tran-sforms into purity. The highest beauty turns into ugliness, and the apogee of ugli-ness becomes beauty. Wisdom transforms into insanity, and insanity into wisdom.
‘"In this way everything flows, changes and transforms into each other. These pul-sations and modulations are Shiva and Shakti’s ecstatic love, the activity and life of sacred Reality. Apart from this, o my beloved Lakshmi, Shiva does not really care what to do, it is all the same for him."’

…a sound has come …words of praise…good – and one feels a pleasant sensation throughout the body. Or: a sound has come…words of abuse…bad – and one feels an unpleasant sensation throughout the body. Sensations arise on the body, and are felt by the mind…

(Goenka, 1987, p. 27)

"Yes, according to…’logic’…all this seems strange and arouses doubts in an [average]person. But, surprisingly, Tantric sadhana works very well… much better than mere philosophising about absolutist issues and abandonment of actions."
The Book of the Law

(and the story of its reception, as documented in The Equinox of the Gods)…"describes the structure of creation and shows on which plane of being we are subjected to karmic laws and have to observe certain rules, and on which plane there are neither laws nor determining rules." 


In an imaginary realm, neural synapses relay electrical impulses signifiying, in some mysterious way, the "meaning" of the above words…the entity receiving said impulses resides, to paraphrase the quintessential 20th century philosopher and father of N. American psychology, Wm. James, in a knot of tension located somewhere slightly behind the middle of the eyebrows (in James’ experience, anyway – after many, many hours of deep, unbroken meditation, assuredly).
"First solve your own Gordian knot, first cut yourself asunder, first explode your own potentiality; and then you have the right to advise, you have the right to say something about these great things — meditation or Tantra or enlightenment. Right now you don’t have in any way, any right at all, to say anything."

    Osho, discourse series: ‘The Great Pligramage from Here to Here.’

The ‘Evul Book,’ – the study of which constitutes an entirely effective form of Initiation in and of itself (according to some) – quickly reveals to the attentive reader that its contents are in no way intended for an "average" mind, nor likely the creation of any person,  per se – its pages evidently fortell discoveries in science, and other well-documented historical events (i.e. World Wars I & II), which still lay some considerable ways off from the date of the text’s dictation and recording, in the final days of  spring, 1904 (era vulgaris). History is a dream from which I (SHIVA, WHO AM ALL THINGS) am trying to AWAKE…!
The power of this "knot," (and nota bene – that the word is only one letter off from "know" – the numerological significance of which difference is undoubtedly worthy of reflection but while I may already know some-thing of this, you are, if so inclined, equally able to deduce its significance) is ever so eloquently evoked in S.N. Goenka’s well-known introduction to Vipassana (insight) meditation, The Art of Living, using the metaphor (from Western mythology) of the GORDIAN knot -several useful approaches to which may be discovered by following any or all of the links below, as you will :
"…the Buddha, investigated the nature of his own body and through deep meditation into his own nature discovered the cycle of conditioned arising that is part of the four Noble Truths. He realized that the reality of suffering is dependent on a process of constant reaction that goes on through the cycle of conditioned arising…also…that…[r]ather than continuously creating more suffering, one could begin to unravel the great Gordian knot of past actions and move toward…greater…peace and harmony.

"In the cycle, contact with a sense object leads to sensing which leads to perception – recognition and valuation of good or bad. Once a valuation has been made, body sensations immediately arise and one starts liking them or disliking them.

The key to breaking the chain, and setting the process of becoming into reverse, is to learn to develop a sense of equanimity in which sensations can be observed without fear, judgment, craving, or aversion. This is, of course, not a simple thing to do. However, the Buddha taught that it is possible through practice of…meditation… and through…The Eightfold Noble Path."

Following any or all of the traditions and viewpoints cited above is a waste of time (which we already have none of – a spiral vortex, spinning – watch as the ball revolves and the nighttime falls – TEMPO CON TEMPO TEMPO ) … on the other hand – THE ALMOST INCOMPREHENSIBLE SIGNIFICANCE OF OUR TWO-HANDEDNESS, OUR MIRRORING NATURE, IS TRULY A HOOT, YET NO JOKE AT ALL, AT ALL!!! – embracing the vibrations, spoken through living beings, which resonate with your heart, whether they match any blueprint you have so far seen, created or caught wind of in whatever fashion.

This "hidden light of the heart" is the only reliable illumination on your path, or anyone else’s – and this truth is uncontested among all true Spiritual Masters.




Kissing ass can be sweet – especially when consented to by all parties involved(undoubtedly, you know what I mean!) – however, when done out of a sense of duty, or an unconfirmed notion of "what’s best" for the other party – kissing ass is the definition of "devil worship," plain and simple.

Make no mistake – "a friend of the devil is a friend of mine"…but how many ass-kissers are ready to admit their allegiance to Our Horned Brother Under the Ground??!!

The essence of Buddhist teaching, agreed apon by all the various schools, is, quite simply, as follows:

i) dwell in awareness of bodily sensations, as they’re occuring.

ii) dwell in equanimity – neither reject, nor attatch yourself to, any of these sensensations

iii) constantly retain awareness of impermanence, lack of abiding self, and craving (which results from a loss of equanimity, or a pushing away or attach-ment to particular sense experiences)

iv) particularly, recognize the connection between the Truth of suffering, or craving (i.e. dukkha in Pali – literally, "thirst"), and attachment to formulated things, in a state of impermanence (that is, all sense-perceptions).

Whether you ever sit in meditation, or no, carrying out the above commitments to staying AWAKE in this particular way is said to be the road beyond suffering – to "the deathless."

Is this, in your opinion (and/or experience), truly adequate? Please articulate an explanation for your point of view.

Die daily!

I am not well…
The sufis advise us to "die daily," i.e. destroy our self-image so that the real Self, unimpeded by past habits and restrictions on possibility implied by old experiences, may manifest through us in our daily activities.
This contual re-invention of the Ego is by no means an easy task – indeed the Ego is more than happy to don the work-clothes of the Self-De/Reconstructor and proclaim the job to be "finished already – well ahead of schedule!"
It’s not so obvious, but as often as not our Egos are constituted by negative views of what we might be our accomplish in our particular existences. The seeming reliability of our foibles is comforting to the "mini-me" that wishes to imagine itself as always essential, never outmoded….
In actuality, "change is inevitable – growth is optional" (a saying I’ve seen attributed to Buddhism) so the one thing the Ego can count on is that eventually it will be irrelevant….
One thing I’ve been doing lately to help destroy myself, is "playing dress-up" a lot….The picture of moi  in my "funky folks" album on this site is from this recent bout of self-reinvention thru doing drag – I intend it to be ongoing mind you…
Here’s another pic of me in androgynous idiosyncratic  get-up recently:

9-mile skid (on a 10-mile ride)…

I am back from my sojourn to the Northern SSC (husband in tow, somewhat unexpectedly – but certainly for the best).

Where are my loyal fans? As a paranoid I’m typically becoming convinced that this Blog is censored, as obviously no one is reading it! (one of my all-time heroes, WSB, points out that if you’re not at least a *little bit* paranoid, you’re crazy!)

Ah well pushed for time as usual so this generic note to anyone who cares will have to do this a.m.

Enjoy – and Goddess Bless Yer Mess, Too!

FOR thee Androgynous Angel of Prince George

Guess you’ll be having a weekend off any time. Maybe we’ll chat then. I’m working this weekend but not sure when yet. For now I will share w/you surreptitiously in absentia, some angelic lore…

Here’s my favorite Angel book – or rather, one of the "top three" anyway:


Here’s the other top two, both by the same guy (who I’ve met in person):



And an interview w/said person, P.L. Wilson:


Here’s a short piece by the editor of the above compilation,  Maria Parisen:


A poem about the "necessary angel" by one of my favourite American poets:


And a song I wanted you to hear sometime – for now you can read the words:

FLESH by Jan Johnston – DJ Teisto remix


 ahhh.. baby, i can hardly recognize myself
mmmmmmmm…. touch me

The light is going blue.
Morning approaches.
The pain´s still here.
I´m empty – empty – empty.

Sounds of the world,
Of laughter and tears.
I´ve nothing left.
I´m empty – empty – empty.

Heaven is forbidden
But I´m going soon
Kiss me one last time
before i take my flesh away
Heaven is forbidden
But I´m going soon
Kiss me one last time
Kiss me one last time

I want wisdom on tap, flowing like water
strange i want that because
I´m empty – empty – empty.

So now eat your words,
I hope you choke.
I feel nothing no more.
I´m empty – empty – empty.

ahhh.. baby, i can hardly recognize myself
mmmmmmmm…. touch me

Heaven is forbidden
But I´m going soon
Kiss me one last time
before i take my flesh away
Heaven is forbidden
But I´m going soon
Kiss me one last time
Kiss me one last time


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